You are still on my mind

Dear Lawrence,
Have you known that you are still on my mind? When all the lights are turned off and I'm lying alone in my bed, I sometimes see your amazing smile and hear your warm voice, I feel your passionate kiss on my lips and then I realize that it's only my imagination, my memory, my obsession... and my eyes are filled with tears, tears of pain and regret. I'd rather turn into stone, stones don't feel anything - no fear, no suffering.
Do you remember our dating in Cracow? We were sitting in the cafe, drinking red wine and laughing a lot. And suddenly you told me, "you must get to know my family in Scotland". I can't forget your words, which gave me hope, thanks to them I thought you loved me true, responsible love. And I said, "why not?".
A few months later,when you knew my heart belonged to yours, you said to me, "Things have changed, my sweetie. I don't know how to put it, but yo know, I'm deeply in love with another wonderful girl. "
"Do I know her?", I asked and my voice seemed so strange and cold. To my surprise, I got a positive answer and you added quickly that you're sure all of us can be friends. It was a shock - this wonderful girl was an American teacher of English (who also worked at NLU in Nowy Sącz). In this way the volunteer from Peace Corps "took" my boyfriend. Did you have an idea that your choice turned my broken heart into stone? No, you didn't.
You went to Scotland next summer, got married and disappeared from my life for good. In a sense, a Polish girl failed with an American one, Poland was beaten by the USA (0 : 1) - it seemed a total disaster - I really felt it this way, Lawrence.
That's the end of my confession - I would be happy if you could read it. If it happened, forgive me my sincerity...
Yours,
Amelia

Dear Lawrence, do you remember me?

Although Amelia started one of her new jobs in her place of birth (Nowy Sącz), in fact she didn't live there - she was staying at her aunt's home. She had lectures only at weekends, that's why it wouldn't make sense to rent a house or a room. As for her grandpas' home, it didn't belong to the family after their death and was inhabited by total strangers.
To tell you the truth, Amelia seemed to be fascinated with a new job, which gave her a lot of new opportunities. Working as a lecturer in National Louis University (WSB-NLU) was a challenge for a young woman with M.A., there weren't many Polish teachers of English there. The staff included mainly native speakers from Great Britain and the USA. Mind you , the Polish teachers didn't earn as much as their colleagues from abroad, though sometimes they were much better educated...
Two of the native speakers paid attention to Amelia - one of them was Neil, a typical Englishman suffering from melancholy or rather depression (fired after a few months), the other one, Lawrence was a Scottish boy of Polish origin. It was Lawrence, whom Amelia liked very much for his physical and intellectual beauty... They spent a lot of time together, discussing political issues, drinking beer and going for romantic walks. It was pretty nice, but it was over three years after - what a pity. It happens even now that he is still on her mind and she wonders:
"Dear Lawrence..do you remember me? I remember you very well."

You can't change the whole world...

No doubt, quest for self-knowledge and love requires constant changes, you can't stay in one place too long, you shouldn't have relations with the same people, you mustn't confine your life to the routine...
One sunny summer day Amelia told her parents and sister (who still was such a small girl) that she wants to achieve her goals and fulfil her dreams, ambitions in a new place, among new people. As usual, they had no choice but help her move out, they knew quite well that it's no use discussing this option with their daughter, she wouldn't listen...
This time Amelia seemed to make a good decision, she moved to Olkusz (a small town situated 25 miles from Cracow), where she got a job as a teacher of English in quite a good high school. Moreover, she decided to work as a lecturer in the best Polish College of Business in Nowy Sącz (affiliated to National Louis University in Chicago). Some faithful readers may remember that Amelia was born in Nowy Sącz and lived there with her beloved grandpas for about 3 years. Does it mean that sometimes we go on a long journey and then after many years we need to come back to the place, where we started it? Does it make sense? Amelia was pretty sure that it did make sense and she was so happy that she had made such a choice. No wonder the young woman was looking forward to new experiences, adventures, acquaintances.
"You can't change the whole world my dear Amelia" she thought, "but you can always be yourself and live a happy life, maybe in Olkusz or Nowy Sącz, it will be easier..."
Good luck, Amelia. You will need it more than you could imagine and take care.

The value of "no"

...and she said, what she wanted and needed to say at this particular moment. Without the slightest hesitation, Amelia asked him to stop the car, looked boldly into John's eyes (which expressed hope, desire and maybe uneasy conscience...) and whispered;
"Why me? What made you think that I could be interested in you? You take it for granted that I will find you 'a perfect match', but why?"
She sighed deeply and said quietly to herself - "because you are richer...and you want to buy me like a jewel" and then Amelia added;
"I'm not alone, though I'm still single - don't you understand it? Loneliness and boring life, it refers to you and your wife! By the way, you didn't mention your children, how would your daughter react if she knew her dad sleeps with her teacher???"
All the time John was staring at this young woman with astonishment, he knew it didn't make sense to answer all her questions, she wasn't able to understand him, his pain - he felt so unhappy with Sophie, but he still loved her and couldn't leave her and their kids. And this Amelia was his chance to feel younger once again, it was important. To his surprise she said "no". What a pity!!!
After a few minutes John parked his Ford Escort in front of her house.When Amelia was unlocking her door, John wanted to check his charm once again and asked if he could come in just for a while to talk, kiss and hold her in his arms. Another "no" made him say goodbye and come back to his wife.
"I've been waiting for you for an hour. Did you have problems with your car? How's Amelia?" - Sophie liked asking many questions and John stopped enjoying answering them. He looked at his wife's face - she was still attractive despite some wrinkles - and felt he wanted her, just now...to forget Amelia.

Be my lover, be my baby...

When you are at a typical Polish party, you should expect the nice atmosphere, lots of sit-down meals and the ocean of alcohol. If the hosts are middle aged or older, you must drink with them Polish vodka, even you prefer wine or beer - the must is a tradition. Who cares, whether you like it or not? No one.
As soon as Amelia sat down at the table next to some older people, the host (Sophie) asked her to drink one symbolic glass of vodka (she knew Amelia hated drinking vodka). So she drank it, then ate some delicious dishes (Polish chicken soup and fried pork chops), meanwhile the guests were discussing political issues and talking about their families. It was quite funny for most of the guests, but not for Amelia (who started looking at her watch after 3 hours and was thinking how to leave the party). Meanwhile the hosts (middle aged couple) telling some dirty jokes, made some strange remarks referring to our modest Amelia.
"Well, my dear, everyone has fantasies - mine are related to Mrs Amelia Plath, you know - what I mean", said her husband watching Amelia's reaction.
"I know, I know. You keep telling me about having sex with her and it's not an innocent joke, isn't it?" replied Sophie,"But if you do it, I'm gonna sleep with Amelia's boyfriend". - said his wife with a provocative voice.
They were talking quite loudly to let all their guests hear this conversation, everyone was laughing, no that's not true... Amelia was so astonished that at first she couldn't say a word. But a minute later she said:
"Thanks for your invitation, I'm having fun, but I have to come back home.Well, I simply need do some important things".
To her surprise, the host and her husband answered, "Oh, no, dear Amelia, you can't be leaving now, believe us - there'll be more fun soon. Stay and see, please."
And Amelia stayed and saw...after one hour all grandpas, uncles, aunts left the party. The host's husband (John) turned on the vrc and they started watching "Basic Instinct".She felt safe and thought that all those remarks had been simply jokes. What a relief, Amelia didn't like strange people, who seemed to have strange fantasies and the wish to fulfil them in a real life.
After the film she decided to leave (it was about 2 a.m), and John took her home. They had been driving for five minutes, when John asked Amelia a direct question,
"Would you like to be my lover?"
And then he answered it himself,
" I hope, yes. If you agree you'll be very happy with me. My wife knows that you are my dream and she let me be with you. Of course, she can't be alone, would you accept her relationship with your friend, Ralph? I'm sure you will!!!"
Amelia thought that his monologue sounded so unrealistic and sick... But she hadn't interrupted him until he added,
"I see you have some doubts, but don't bother - I am a great lover and a very wealthy person. I'd like to keep you for a long time, not for one night, my sweetie Amelia. If you wanna check me, we can go with my wife and your Ralph for a short trip to Zakopane. At night we can sleep together (I mean four of us), what a fun, think about it, please..."
And she thought very quickly and said...

Money, money, money

It's quite probable that I didn't explain that the high school, which was Amelia's place of work wasn't a typical Polish school. First of all, you should know that its students considered themselves as a sort of "business cream". This expression, which is an idiom invented by Amelia, refers to so called - newly rich (the people, about whom you can read in"Great Gatsby", for example). And they were right, they were an elite, in a sense. Firstly, all of them were mountaineers, whose relatives were Polish American people. They often went to visit them in New York, Chicago or New Jersey. Thanks to their rich grandpas, uncles or aunts they had a unique chance to see the USA and to earn lots of bucks. In Poland they could establish their own small companies and be successful. That's why the region called in Polish "Podhale" is one of the richest regions in Poland....

Amelia didn't feel very well among the people,as some of them considered her less attractive, judging the value of her bank account, not the power and value of her mind. Of course, they didn't ask her a stupid question; "How much do you earn at school?" They didn't have to do it, as they knew she couldn't earn a lot as a teacher, because this job isn't well-paid in Poland. In fact there was one vital event, which made Amelia realise that she is totally different from the rest of the inhabitants of Nowy Targ..

It was a nice day, the end of May was quite warm and sunny. Amelia felt great, though she wasn't happy in love at that time, but as a woman full of hope, she knew "it's gonna be better!". She was invited by the parents of her student to the party. It was a nameday of the student's mum, so Amelia bought a gift and came to their wonderful house. At the beginning it was fun. Who could have thought that such an innocent meeting would have changed into a kind of orgy...???

More details in next post, be patient!!!

Money talks

Money 'talks" (intro)

"Money, Money, Money - it must be funny in a rich man's world.." Amelia remembered the lyrics of some songs by Abba quite well (when she was a kid, it was her favorite band), the other tune which she liked singing while taking a bath, came back from a different country and was performed by Pink Floyd, it was "Another Brick in the Wall" She hated being another anonymous part of the social structure governed by those who have power. Amelia understood the meaning of the songs very well, and her interpretation seemed to be deep and very moving. for this young woman, the world of the rich and powerful was strange - she cared for money and her position in the society, but didn't need to have everything at any price. She preferred her idealism, though she felt that most of the newly rich despise her and treat her as a hopeless and helpless creature. What Amelia despised in them, was the greed for money and need for power, they wanted to manipulate others.. and possess more and more. What for?