Love - living in Heaven and Hell (cont.)

It was the beginning of fall 1991, (this season of the year is called in Poland "the gold fall") - the days were still warm enough to feel encouraged to go for long walks. The colorful leaves were rustling under Amelia's feet while she was wandering with Bogdan in the park. All the time she couldn't stop thinking how to make him leave the cult. She realized that he was enslaved by other Moonists, but she hoped that as an atrractive and smart woman she would find the way...Looking at them one couldn't deny they behaved like a normal couple joined by a strong mutual attraction, which was physical, intellectual and spiritual. After a long, tiresome walk they went to their favorite coffee house ("Jama Michalika" - in English "Michalik's Cave") situated in Floriańska street. As usual it was crowded with tourists from the States, Japan and Germany - as Amelia noticed people from abroad treated this place as unique, and they were right it was the best Polish coffee house in Cracow at those times.
"What would you like to drink?" asked Bogdan as if he forgot that they always ordered the same white coffee and French semi-dry wine.
Amelia smiled and answered, "You know what I like, you needn't ask me - my dear."
After a while they were sitting on the sofa, listening to jazz ballads and talking about everything but their common future... Bogdan did his best to avoid the subject, as for Amelia - she insisted on revealing their feelings truly and openly. Soon she realized that her beloved simply can't take any responsibility for her and isn't able to solve the problem, at all. Maybe the best idea would be to give up and break off this relationship without future, but Amelia was so deeply in love that she even became blind to the possible consequences of her feelings...
Thinking and acting as a typical young woman full of love and unfulfilled desire, she sat closer to Bogdan, put her hand on his thigh and started whispering the passionate words right into his ear. She knew he was a bit embarrassed when he began feeling the first symptoms of sexual excitement, but it only made her act in a more provocative way... Amelia seemed to forget about the whole world, the people from the coffee house evaporated, the feeling of shame ran away together with them ...
Amelia felt free as a bird, she gave him a long kiss and touched the most precious treasure of man with delicacy. To her surprise, Bogdan who always seemed to be cold, reacted emotionally and also revealed the passionate part of his self...
To be continued soon...

Love- living in Heaven and Hell

As I have promised, I'm gonna show you that Amelia as a young woman was pretty enough to arouse interest, excitement and desire... In Paris she paid attention to the young man who seemed to her a dream partner, she got so obsessed that she didn't notice that this handsome guy (tall, slim, with a very sexual voice and blue eyes) was a very important person among the Moonists. Bogdan, that was his name (there is no English equivalent, unfortunately), also seemed to like her a lot. He was looking at her in a way far from his spiritual phobias, in his eyes she noticed an unfulfilled sexual desire. After coming back to Cracow, Amelia - as I mentioned in the previous post - made up her mind not to meet anyone belonging to the cult, even him ( whom he started falling in love quite passionately)...
However, Cracow isn't big enough to hide, so no wonder some months later Amelia happened to meet some Japanese "friends" of hers just outside Collegium Novum (the site of the Jagiellonian University). To her surprise, they greeted her and invited to the meetings, though she underlined clearly "I am pretty busy and have no time for hobbies". But they insisted so much that my poor Amelia made another stupid mistake and agreed to go there just once, only once. Why didn't she want to listen to her inner voice which kept saying, "Don't you ever go there!"? Tell me, if you understand her a little...Because when I heard this conversation, I was shocked and lost my temper!!!
The reason why she did it, appeared to be quite simple - Amelia thought that this way she would meet Bogdan and would see if she meant anything to him. I must explain that at that time she had no boyfriend, as a sensitive and passionate young woman she needed affection and no doubt, she desired sex. And Amelia as a typical woman wanted to have everything - love and physical pleasure... in her dreams she was talking with him about literature and making love all nights with in an extremely passionate way... She loved the touch of his delicate hands, his warm breath on her beautiful breasts and his subtle tongue on her sensitive skin...I would like to add, that in fact she appeared to be more passionate in real life than in those hot dreams, by the way.
Now the only thing she wanted was to make the dreams come true...
I wonder, if some of you can guess how this relationship between Amelia and Bogdan was developing???

Knocking on the Hell's Door (2)

I must admit that I like my Amelia so much that I regret that even, when I know something really bad is going to happen, I can't prevent it or protect her in any way. I wish I could be her Guardian Angel, who might be able to tell her the words of wisdom in his subtle voice. I am pretty sure that she would listen to me, thinking that's the voice of her intuition. Yea, women, especially young, like to think that they have this gift. Maybe they have it, but I can't understand why, only few of them take use of this precious gift in their lives??? Maybe some readers of this post answer this rhetorical question.
Let us come back to Amelia and the Unification Church. Can you believe that my sweet girl became so much fascinated with her new friends and so deeply involved in their activities that she didn't notice anything ???...And it is said that only love is blind,as you will see - the blindness also concerns other emotions and other relationships, interactions with people.
It was a wonderful summer 1990, Amelia got an invitation to the trip to Paris, where the International Meeting of Students (belonging to CARP - Collegiate Association for the Research of Principles) was going to be organized. Of course, she went there together with her friend from the studies named Jagoda. Both of them were unaware that CARP was just a branch of the Unification Church. But soon they got enlightened. It appeared that maybe 5% of the whole group from Poland were the students like Amelia (ignorants), the rest, as you see, the majority consisted of the members of the cult. Most of them behaved towards one another in so called spiritual way, which seemed to Amelia funny, superficial and artificial... She felt quite different, she felt normal. Of course, as an ignorant she wasn't able to participate in the meetings for the moonists, meanwhile Amelia and other ordinary Poles visited one of the most fascinating cities in Europe - with most of the historical buildings, Moulin Rouge (with this wonderful square full of sex shops, porn cinemas etc.) Amelia visited this square with Jagoda at night, as they hadn't been to such places before, both of them felt the thrill, sexual excitement - typical of young people who felt so free, so far from homes, so far from Catholic principles...they were happy to be in Paris, a magical, fascinating, mysterious city.
Unfortunately or fortunately, during their stay Amelia could learn quite a lot about Moonists, their sick beliefs and principles. Moreover she knew that they are considered to be a religious mafia, the organization which manipulates their members to make them "slaves" without free will, but with a sick determination to live for Mr Moon (their leader who claims that he is Jesus Christ himself, what a nonsense - but people believe it!). This mafia is responsible for murders, traffic of drugs, and trade of guns etc, (but who cares - nobody-democratic states let them do what they wish...)
After coming back to Poland, Amelia made up her mind to leave this shit and live her own normal life. It seemed to be easy for her, she didn't realize that her Moonist "friends" won't let her go... It would be a simple story, if it were like that.
If some of you would like to know, what they did to Amelia and why, read the next post. You will find in it sth more about Amelia' love, and her sexual love too....

Knocking on the Hell's Door...(1)

As soon as Amelia knocked the front door, a nice and good looking man opened it and invited the girl inside. She found herself in quite a large house crowded with young people, Polish and Japanese. After a while Amelia was given a cup of coffee and some sandwiches, she sat down among the others and started looking around. The place and the people looked really great, so she soon felt relaxed and easy while talking with complete strangers.
During the meeting Amelia was invited by Agnes (a student of English Philology) to work with her staff, she was supposed to write articles for a new students' magazine. No wonder that the girl was delighted - it was the fulfillment of her dreams..., so she presented her ideas, her vision of such a magazine. And she was understood and accepted! Meanwile Amelia realized that the people present at the meeting were not only students but also young scientists. Some of them were keen on martial arts, others in helping children in orphanages - Amelia, a person full of positive energy and enthusiasm, got interested in both activities and decided to participate in them.
It was 2 a.m., when Amelia came back home, tired but happy. She seemed to discover a sense of life. I am not astonished at all, that she didn't have the slightest idea that the place she visited and all the people she met there had a lot to do with the religious cult called the Unification Church. Who could imagine that knocking on the door to that house was in fact, knocking on the Hell's door? I couldn't, as at those times in Poland people knew nothing about dangerous religious cults...
What happened later? If you really wanna know, read the next post!See you.

Paradise lost...

It was October 1989, the third year of studies... Amelia was still fascinated with reading the world literature in English, watching great films in an original version (at that time it wasn't possible on TV - but students could go to the American Consulate to see them), studying history. Menwhile, one of her best friends (Liz) went to England to work and marry an Englishman (whom she met some time ago in Poland). They didn't get married - as it appeared that she couldn't love him as much as he deserved. Liz left him and moved from a small town to London. There she had a foreign affair with a Pole,to Amelia's surprise, this man was their lecturer from the Jagiellonian University (married, with a child). As a result of this long romance, Liz has her own child with him, though they aren't a couple, they are still friends. I must admit, that I know, Amelia didn't accept the situation, though she liked Liz. She simply couldn't stop thinking of this man's wife and their child..., their quiet suffering.
Amelia decided to enrich the circle of her friends and colleagues. She didn't want to spend her free time only with the students of English Philology. She needed fresh air, new possibilities to develop her self. One day Amelia noticed a poster on the front doors of her Institute, it was saying: "Young, ambitious people full of positive energy are invited to the meeting organized by the editors of a new magazine for students". What Amelia felt reading this text was a thrill, as she really wanted to be a journalist in the future. So in the evening she went to the meeting, which took place in the house situated not far from the centre of Cracow. Nobody (even me) could suppose, that this event will influence Amelia so much and change her and her life for worse...

Amelia's quest for the treasury of wisdom

To tell you the truth, Amelia felt quite good as a student - though she wasn't the best one, I admit. Studying English Philology appeared to be hard, but fascinating at the same time. If you haven't the slightest idea, how these studies looked like in Poland, I will give you some prompts. You study : English grammar, aural comprehension, reading comprehension, writing (precis, compositions, essays), conversations, translations, descriptive grammar, historical grammar, pronunciation, intonation, history of English literature, history of American literature, history of Great Britain, history of the USA, methodology, psychology, sociology and so on.(The list of obligatory subjects is much longer). The studies lasted 5 years and then you could get your M.A. Now, the system of education in Poland is a bit similar to the one in the USA (two degrees: B.A. and M.A.).
While studying, Amelia learnt quite a lot, also about herself. At the beginning she didn't even want to become a teacher of English, but soon she got this job - and became a good teacher, as far as I know. Thanks to the studies, she started loving Edgar Allan Poe, Ernest Hemingway, Sylvia Plath. She also liked English Romanticism and modern drama. Moreover, Amelia was keen on history of the world, journalism and making films...

The end of love and communism, the beginning of studies

Maybe some of you, who have never experienced true love yet, won't believe me, but I know that Amelia (despite her boyfriend's betrayal) has always loved him very much. And Przemek also couldn't stop loving her, that's why he used to visit Amelia and her parents as often as possible. They met as friends respecting the fact that he was married, as if they hadn't realized that it wasn't the solution to this strange and painful situation.
After 2 years Amelia's parents made her break up the relationship with her ex-boyfriend. And she broke up with him, though he couldn't understand why??? He felt unhappy in the marriage without love, but was too young, too immature to divorce with his wife at that time. He wanted to wait until his child (Alexander) was older and then leave his wife and marry Amelia...But Amelia couldn't wait, though she wanted him so much. I wonder what would have happened to her, if she hadn't left Przemek. No doubt, this blog would be quite different.
After final exams, my Amelia went to Business College, meanwhile she began earning her first money working in the Historical Museum of Cracow and then the Academy of Agriculture (she loved both jobs). At those times she was preparing for her studies at the Jagiellonian University, and in 1987 Amelia became a student of English Philology. She was still young, attractive, happy and full of hope... she was thinking about studies and a career.To tell you the truth, Amelia didn't pay much attention to her new boyfriends, whom she wasn't able to love...
Two years later, when she came back from her vacations in Slovakia - Amelia found herself in a different Poland. Her country was no longer a socialist (or communist) state. It happened as a result of "the Meetings at the Round Table" (the talks between the members of socialist government and the leaders of Solidarity). Poland was going to be free and democratic. All of it took place without any fights - it was a kind of peaceful revolution. In this way in 1989 the Spring of Europe started for good.

Love, sex and politics

It was 13th December, 1981 - Sunday, 7 a.m. - Amelia was lying in her bed and dreaming, when suddenly she heard the harsh voice of her neighbour screaming to her daughter, "Damn, switch the radio on - you know, I'm gonna listen to the mass!". To her mother's surprise, the girl wasn't able to fulfil her request... you may ask, why? What happened to the radio of this lady? In fact, nothing happenened. It was simply the beginning of the exceptional "state of war" in Poland introduced by General W.Jaruzelski...
Amelia and her parents were shocked, when they noticed that there are no programmes on TV, on radio etc., it was not possible to make phone calls... Soon it appeared that all the leaders and more important members of Solidarity were "imprisoned", but not in jails, but in special places, which looked like guesthouses. The streets of Cracow and other cities were "guarded" by the police (called at that time "milicja") and the army. Nobody could leave his house after 11 p.m. There was no free press, no right to organize gatherings - but underground, there was a true life of Poland, thanks to help from the USA and some European coutries, people had hope and did their best to survive. So there was illegal, but free press and the illegal demonstrations were organized outside churches. People were often beaten and arrested by the police, but nobody gave up!!!
Meanwhile, Amelia, who was deeply involved in politics thanks to her dad and boyfriend, fell in love again... This time she had an unfulfilled object of her feeling called Arthur (a tall young man with black hair and brown eyes) - at whom she could stare for hours...Apart from Arthur, who did not pay much attention to her, there was another boy called Przemek. He was her true friend, in fact the best friend - they trusted each other and liked so much that after some time they felt sth more important. Przemek and Amelia spent together most of their free time - talking about school, music, politics and friendship. Amelia understood that this tall boy with long hair and dark complexion is extremely intelligent and sensitive, too. When he was caught by the police (ZOMO), arrested, beaten so much - she really sufferred together with him.
When the state of war was finished, Amelia was preparing for her final exams. Meanwhile her mum bore another child - whom Amelia called Dagmara (it was her first and the only sister). Amelia seemed to be so happy, but soon she lost her love, or rather a part of it. It was June - Przemek came to Amelia for her nameday, they were eating cakes, drinking champagne. Sudddenly the boy told her that he must marry a girl, whom he had met some time ago at the party. There was a lot of alcohol there, he got drunk and slept with her. After the event he didn't remember anything, but after a few months this girl together with her mum came to his home... and demanded the quick wedding!!!
I think, I do not have to tell you, what Amelia was feeling, some of you must have felt it - despair, pain and sadness. She was betrayed and felt deserted by someone, who seemed to be the love of her life....One night between him and a girl broke Amelia's heart...

Teachers and students

As far as I remember, Amelia (who attended high school at that time- from 1979 to 1983) came back to school in a good mood. She felt relaxed full of positive energy after long vacations. Moreover, the girl was full of hope that some things in her school were going to change for better. Mind you, it was a typical school based on strict principles and the relationships between students and their teachers were very formal. It happened, that some teachers were even agressive towards them. I wouldn't say looking at school at those times that it was a rule, but it happened.
According to Amelia, who seemed to be a subtle creature, the worst of all was abusing based on words. She noticed that some words are more painful than anything else. As using abusive words can ruin someone's psyche and lead him (her) to emotional breakdown or to death...If you are interested in this story, let's move together with me to the 80ies and see this scene...
I am standing near the classrom and I am looking at Amelia's teacher of Maths. She has a funny first name (Władysława), and it is the only funny feature of this woman. If some of you, my dear readers - remember the song by Pink Floyd "Another brick in the wall" - you can imagine, how she looks like. It is the woman at the age of 44 (but she seems to be much older), fat and unattractive. As for her personality and teaching skills, I can evaluate them later, when I am sitting near Amelia in the classroom. I feel relaxed and easy, as nobody can notice me, the narrator of this short novel, but I can see everyone - what's more, I can even hear their thoughts, feel their emotions.
To my surprise, the teacher isn't willing to translate anything. but prefers checking her students' knowledge in an abusive way. Not only does she call them names, but also treats them as if they were idiots. Władysława doesn't care about her students' feelings, the only person who counts during this show is her... as if she were a goddess ruling human souls and minds. Such words as justice (meaning justified notes or grades), respect are strange to her. No wonder, that all her students are scared, when they have Maths classes. No wonder, that some of them break down emotionally. No wonder, that one of them commits a suicide.
No wonder, that Amelia wants to leave the school right now (when her boyfriend - the most important love in her life, has to change it, thanks to their teacher of Maths). But her parents don't agree and she stays there until 1983.

Lech Walesa and the Solidarity Movement (1980)

It was August, 1980 - Amelia was an attractive teenager, looking for love and a sense of life. As it was the middle of summer, she was on a vacation with her mum and three cousins. All of them were staying in Krynica (situated in the mountains), one of the most popular spas at that time - the weather was wonderful, so Amelia spent a lot of time climbing the mountains and sunbathing. In the evenings she read one of her favourite American books - it was "Love Story", by the way. The time was passing by, when Amelia heard about the strikes in the north of Poland (in Gdańsk and Szczecin) - to her surprise, they resulted in creating the Independent Labour Union called in Polish "Solidarność" (Solidarity). To understand this "surprise", you must remember, it was the time socialism in Poland - no independent organizations hadn't existed (in a legal sense) before 1980. It was the first victory, the wind of changes for better started blowing.
Amelia, who didn't seem to be interested in politics, began thinking much more, not only about her relationships with family, boyfriends, but also about her country - she became a patriot.