Amelia finishes her elementary school

It was June, 1979 - Amelia finished her elementary education (at those times there were 8 forms in such schools) - she had a wonderful certificate (A it was the only note she could get!). During the vacations Amelia went with her friends to the Baltic Sea, then visited her grandparents in Nowy Sącz. Meanwhile, she was dreaming about a new love - to tell you the truth, my dear readers, Amelia was a bit too assertive at that age. She neglected the boy, called Johnny, who fell in love with her, because he seemed to her too trivial and shy!!! What a silly girl Amelia was, much later she learnt how to appreciate the boys. But, unfortunately, it took her several years.
Love - why do we so often reject true feelings? Why can we understand the sense of love after its loss? Why are we (or rather, some of us) so stupid and superficial in love, when we are pretty young? And then, when we are mature, sometimes we are closed in the prisons made of our hearts and minds. We feel so lonely, deserted by the people (but we forget about those whom we rejected, neglected, deserted some years ago...)

Love and be loved!!!

My dear Amelia was deeply in love at least three times, when she was a schoolgirl in elementary school. Each time it was still a Platonic feeling, though Amelia's thoughts, emotions were far from being naive, innocent and childish. She was romantic by nature, but at the same time she was becoming a bit passsionate - in her mind. No wonder, love and passion come into being in our brain. Of course, Amelia didn't know about it, but she knew what she needed was affection - and she was looking for it in the eyes of three wonderful boys. The boys:Mark and Darek were simply the most handsome classmates, but didnt pay attention to her. For them Amelia was a friend, just a friend... And there was also Adam, whom she met during vacations in the mountains, when she was 14. It was a real love, Amelia felt his adoration, she liked his delicate hands and listened to his subtle voice saying the most vital words- "I love you". The feeling lasted some months, it was quite long, taking into account that I am talking about youngsters.
Meanwhile, Amelia lost her grandma (dad's mother), it was the first touch of death and eternity in her life. At that time, some important things took place in the world. Karol Wojtyła (the Archbishop of Cracow) became Pope JPII. And the people in Poland began to cherish the hope that the things are going to change for better...and they were right. The era of socialism was going to end some years later!!!

Living in the era of socialism

Well, if you have never lived in a communist country, you have no idea, how much you have lost...in a sense, of course. It may sound like a nonsense, though it shouldn't!
Amelia was growing up very quickly, thanks to her parents' care, which protected the kid from the impact of evil...evil existing in human minds, hearts or souls. Souls imprisoned in bodies, as Platon used to say. Souls imprisoned in bodies of sinners, as St. Augustine would say. Souls imprisoned in human limits, as I dare to say...
But coming back to Amelia and her mum (Elizabeth) and dad (Eddie), I wanna explain that during the reign of Edward Gierek (in the 70ies) , all of them lived quite a good life. What do I mean by 'a good life' in Poland? I mean good salaries of Amelia's parents (they didn't belong to the Communist Party-they weren't the collaborators, but they had good positions; Liz was a manager and her husband was a vice-president of a big company). Thanks to their hard work, they enabled Amelia to travel abroad to the USSR - ( now Russia, Georgia), East Germany, Romania, Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia and Hungary and to spend all her vacations in an attractive way - at camps (at the Baltic Sea, in the Polish mountains). Moreover, Amelia could get from time to time jeans or jackets bought by her parents in the special shops called PEWEX (where you could buy things from the USA, Japan, other western countries - but you had to pay in dollars or in special banknotes called "bony"). Those shops weren't for everybody, as it wasn't that easy to have dollars from a legal source in Poland at that time.
Reading about Amelia's life, you can come to a conclusion, that living in the Republic of Poland at those times was pretty simple. Unfortunately, it was like that only for some groups of citizens, but not for the whole society. People, in general, lived a quiet life, had their homes, had their jobs and knew nothing about such phenomena as homelessness or unemployment. But they were not happy, as they were missing freedom - freedom of speech, freedom of press etc. They didn't have the natural feeling of living in a free, democratic state. They lived in the state, which gave the citizens nearly everything except for human rights. It wasn't that bad as in the USSR or China, of course. But Poland wasn't the ideal place to live.
Certainly, Amelia did know something about it, but as a kid she thought much more about school, love and travelling than politics.Foreign affairs, these were the problems important for a teenager like her...

Elementary school

Elementary school
To tell you the truth, I hadn't seen Amelia until 1971 - that year I was walking in the park situated near a big elementary school (no 115) in Cracow. I remember it quite well, the little Angel with blonde hair and blue eyes appeared right in front of me and looked deeply into my eyes. I will never forget her eyes full of tears, her small body shaking with fear and suffering. I couldn't help the kid, I couldn't. But I felt an amazing feeling that I knew what had happened to her. I knew her thoughts, emotions, joys and worries. Once again I saw myself in this creature called Amelia...

The reason why she felt scared and unhapppy was some kind of disappointment with the cruelty of life. For this small, subtle creature - a teacher hitting a kid with a ruler and a youngster bulling her - were the first people who showed her the dark side of their minds. They were so different from Amelia's parents, other relatives, classmates etc. That is why, she reacted in such a way. She didn't know, that all her life she would be experiencing the touch of evil, she didn't realize that it is a life...

It was love at first sight...

It was love at first sight...

All of us like falling in love, but only some of us experienced the feeling of this crazy (or maybe wild) feeling at the very beginning of our lives. Why do I say so? The reason should be rather understandable or predictable - my Amelia felt this at the age of five.
I remember it very well, I was looking at the little, funny girl with blue eyes and blonde hair with a kind of astonishment. This was a bit strange, I felt as though I knew her all my life... Amelia seemed to be so close, so familiar, she seemed to be me. Me from the past. I know I will never forget this impression, which made me scared or maybe thrilled, excited at that time.
It was June, 1969 and the scene took place outside the kindergarten in Nowa Huta.The girl was sitting on the grass, next to her there were two boys (both were staring at Amelia as if they saw an Angel). They were just the kids, but I noticed a special relationship between them based on something pure, innocent, perfect, ideal, divine...It is difficult to find the words now after so many years. The kids were talking, playing and laughing for, more or less, half an hour. And I was simply looking at them and thinking about love, family, all the people I had lost before I saw Amelia and her two friends. The boys loved her and it was that obvious and natural. And she also loved them in an innocent, childish way. Well, if all of us could love so much...

The Kindergartens

The Kindergartens

As you remember from my previous post, Amelia suddenly and happily finds herself at real home with her mum and dad. Maybe some of you won't understand that, in spite of her happiness, she misses her grandparents. As in fact, they acted her true parents in the most vital period of Amelia's childhood...I must admit that even now, though her grandparents are dead, they still live in her memories.
So, my Amelia is almost four years old, she lives in, so called the communist district of Cracow, Nowa Huta. Her flat is situated on the sixth floor (ground?) of the block of flats (I hope, you underdstand my English, which looks more British than American, or rather more Polish?!). What does she do? Nothing special, every day her mum takes her to a kindergarten. As far as I know, Amelia attends three preschools, she likes them a lot, as at that time she meets her first friends and her first "boy-friends". You may be astonished, "boyfriends at this age"??? But you shouldn't be, take into account the simple fact- Amelia, even as a small girl, is extremely attractive, and "it" arouses interest among other girls and boys. And she is very happy, as if she was born to be happy all her life.

Childhood (2)

Moving to Cracow
Well, those three happy years passed so quickly for Amelia , but not for her parents. They really loved their first child, but couldn't live with Amelia. If I say, they were suffering for that reason, I will not exaggerate. Moreover, if I say that the little kid missed her parents very much, I hope you will understand, am I right? IF NOT, imagine the situation- young people in Poland (at that time) did not have a chance to raise a family without serious problems. When they moved to a big city, they had to rent a room in the house, it was not possible to live in such a room with a child. That was absolutely impossible. That is why, young parents often asked their mothers and fathers to bring up their child until they find their own house.
So, coming back to Amelia, when she was 3 years old, Elizabeth and Edward got the flat in Cracow and took her daughter to her new home. It was a positive shock for her, but still it was a kind of shocking experience....
If you wanna know, what I mean and what happened with Amelia in Cracow, read the next chapter tomorrow!!!

Childhood (1)

Childhood (1)
Hello, I haven't been writing for some time - the reason is simple-too much work. So forgive me, will you? Now let's come back to Poland and this little girl named Amelia. When she appeared in the world of human beings, she had to realize that life is not pretty simple, at all. Even for such a small creature like her. Amelia's mummy went to Cracow together with her husband, Eddie. They worked and studied there. And Amelia was left alone..., no, no. IT wasn't like that, she had been staying at her grandparents' home for three years. You probably won't believe me, but for Amelia it was a happy time, really. Even now my Amelia (who is at present 40 years old) enjoys talking about that period of her childhood. If she only could, she would make her dead grandma and grandpa live forever on the earth. As you must know, Amelia loved them as much as possible. And has been missing them for too many years.

The very beginning

The Very Beginning

When, where and how did my story get started? These are the questions, you may ask and let me answer them quickly but not too precisely. Imagine the time-snowy January 1964, the place - Nowy Sącz, a picturesque town in Poland (the heart of Europe) and Elizabeth-a pretty,young woman bearing her first child in pain in a municipal hospital. The child, who was born, was later called Amelia...a strange name for a Polish girl, don't you think so? That's the very beginning told without any details, as if there hadn't been problems relating to Amelia's appearance among other humans. Of course, it wasn't so easy, but I'm not sure if you really want to know all the details. Well, I will think it over and maybe will reveal the whole story in the next post.

INTRO

Intro

Hi,
My name is Amelia, a strange name, isn't it? My parents have always thought that this first name will bring me good luck, happiness-but now they know they were wrong, they know it very well...
All my life I have been looking for love and self-knowledge, most of us spend time doing it. But for me this quest has been a dramatic experience, which makes me think there is no love for me. Moreover my quest has resulted in total disappointment concerning the human nature. Now I am pretty sure we, as human beings, are not creatures made by God. There is so much evil in our minds, how would God create such an imperfect being? Would He really say about us- "you are similar to Me, you are good by nature, you are the rulers of this world"? No doubt, God wouldn't have made such a mistake.
But coming back to me-I am going to tell you the story of my life. I wonder if you agree with my statement (mentioned above) after reading this story. Maybe some of you, it doesn't matter. What really matters to me is the story as such. I would like to write it very well to make you be interested in it.
That's all for now! See you!

Yours,
Amelia